Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Earth Day

It's finally here! The day I look forward to every year. I mean, what's more fun than people pretending to care about the Earth one day a year? I can't wait to hear people brag about planting one tree because they care so much about the Earth.

Me personally, I don't give a crap about our planet. If it does fall apart, can't we just build a new one? Isn't that what Star Wars was about? You know, with the Death Star? Note to self: Rent The Phantom Menance to fact check.

Here's a list of the ways I celebrate Earth Day. This isn't a power rankings, those are so stupid. Only idiots still do power rankings. Expect a power rankings later tonight to show how stupid those people are.

1. Laugh at people with Earth friendly cars. Come on, energy/solar/wind/soy bean oil cars are jokes. If I ever buy a car(I say if because I assume robots will control our cars in a few years), I will buy one that gets 2 miles to the gallon. I know that hurts my wallet just as much as the Earth, but I don't like my wallet anyway. It smells weird.

So yeah, people with those types of cars are stupid. Why do the job that all those other environment nuts are already doing? They're having fun, so keep giving them pollution to fight. If we don't keep those people outside, they might start talking to us. That's probably not a good thing.

2. Go out to where ever people are cleaning up litter on the side of the road. Take two trash bags full of garbage and dump it on them. It'll show them to stop being nice to the planet.

3. Go to the park and wait for people to plant trees. Bring axe. Whenever someone plants a tree, go run up and chop down one of the already planted trees. Warn the surrounding people at the park(parkers?) that with every planted tree, one gets chopped down. If they ask why, chop down another tree and tell them to leave now. After everyone has left, salt the ground.

4. I can't really think of a 4th one. I guess I could go smash flourescent light bulbs or buy a bunch of plastic bottles.


Have a super fun Earth Day!

5 comments:

Bigface said...

In anticipation of your critique, I've changed it to "Anger Rankings." I await your reporting.

Spanish Cat Man said...

Global Warming is either bullshit or it's too late -- get over it.

Who really gives a shit about being "green" besides hippies and the idealistic, do-gooders of the world? Really?

Fuck them. I'm leaving my car idling for the next 3 hours.

Anonymous said...

I'm saving the world, douche.

Bigface said...

I am also leaving my car idling, but I will sit in it.

Goodbye cruel world. Save yourself, bitch earth.

Jared said...

Ha, I was actually going to put something about leaving the car on all day in my post, but decided against. I figured a tree would attack me.